Being Clear and Concise

Some writers are very methodical and painstaking when they write a first draft. Other writers unleash many words to get out all they feel they need to say. Does either of these composing styles match your style? Or is your composing style somewhere in between? No matter which description best fits you, the first draft of almost every piece of writing, no matter its author, can be made clearer and more concise.

If you have a tendency to write too much, you will need to look for unnecessary words. If you have a tendency to be vague or imprecise in your wording, you will need to find specific words to replace any overly general language.

Identifying Wordiness

Sometimes writers use too many words when fewer words appeal more to their audience and better fit their purpose. Here are some common examples of wordiness to look for in your draft. Eliminating wordiness helps all readers because it makes your ideas clear, direct, and straightforward.

• Sentences that begin with There is, or There are.
  • Wordy: There are two major experiments that the Biology Department sponsors.
  • Revised: The Biology Department sponsors two major experiments.
  • Sentences with unnecessary modifiers.
  • Wordy: Two extremely famous and well-known consumer advocates spoke eloquently in favor of the proposed important legislation.
  • Revised: Two well-known consumer advocates spoke in favor of the proposed legislation.
• Sentences with deadwood phrases that add little to the meaning. Be judicious when you use phrases such as in terms of, with a mind to, on the subject of, as to whether or not, more or less, as far as…is concerned, and similar expressions. You can usually find a more straightforward way to state your point.
  • Wordy: As a world leader in the field of green technology, the company plans to focus its efforts in the area of geothermal energy.
  • A report as to whether or not to use geysers as an energy source is in the process of preparation.
  • Revised: As a world leader in green technology, the company plans to focus on geothermal energy.
  • A report about using geysers as an energy source is in preparation.
• Sentences in the passive voice or with forms of the verb to be. Sentences with passive-voice verbs often create confusion, because the subject of the sentence does not perform an action. Sentences are clearer when the subject of the sentence performs the action and is followed by a strong verb. Use strong active-voice verbs in place of forms of to be, which can lead to wordiness. Avoid passive voice when you can.
  • Wordy: It might perhaps be said that using a GPS device is something that is a benefit to drivers who have a poor sense of direction.
  • Revised: Using a GPS device benefits drivers who have a poor sense of direction.
• Sentences with constructions that can be shortened.
  • Wordy: The e-book reader, which is a recent invention, may become as commonplace as the cell phone.
  • My over-sixty uncle bought an e-book reader, and his wife bought an e-book reader, too.
  • Revised: The e-book reader, a recent invention, may become as commonplace as the cell phone.
  • My over-sixty uncle and his wife both bought e-book readers.